im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
I'm skeptical of all drag queens.
I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
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