What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
Randomize
