paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
there was naked duck duck goose
how does that even get suggested?!
after naked leap frog.... it wasn't that big of a deal
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
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