What the fuck I just showed up to court still drunk and the judge told me I smelled like his wife
He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
he high fived his dick after we had sex
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize
