GM filed for bankruptcy, all the dealerships closed, and it's june and I'm in jeans and a sweatshirt and I'm cold. What is the point of living in this state anymore?
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
Randomize
