I want to have your abortion
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
I need moral support for this bender
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
Randomize
