Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
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