giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
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