i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
Randomize
