Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
4 words: hood of his car
I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
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