And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
Randomize
