Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
Randomize
