I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
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