the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
Randomize
