none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
Randomize
