He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
Randomize
