God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
Do you still have your period?
just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
Randomize
