Prereq for being on nyc prep: money, bitchy, and a lazy eye... if only you were rich
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
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