if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
Randomize
