Why. Ill be the rabbit if ull be the carrot.
At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
Randomize
