operation harelip BJ is a go
So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
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