So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
Randomize
