I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
Just had flashback to me showering u with stir fry as u rythed on the floor
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
Randomize
