my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
Randomize
