the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
used his ipod to set the mood...1st song was livin on a prayr 2nd song was disco stick
i expected more from guys that i meet at the jersey shore.
Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
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