I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
Its about making memories worth repressing
Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
Randomize
