and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
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