The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
i dont even know how to be here
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
Randomize
