Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
Quick question: how do I take a nice picture of my ass? I'm asking you because I figure with an ass like yours you're probably experienced.
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
Randomize
