My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
the only thing i can think of after seeing avatar is "when are they gonna make avatar porn?"
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
I was looking threw the photos on my phone. There is 8 different ones of us peeing on things.
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
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