I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
I say that when we get our grades back we're making a drinking game out of it.
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
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