It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
Randomize
