I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
Randomize
