Now that I've come to graduate college. I realized the only discernible skill I learned was how to roll a joint properly. go me.
Well thats $24,000 well spent.
Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
Randomize
