Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
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