capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
Randomize
