So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
Randomize
