i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
Randomize
