she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
Randomize
