He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
Randomize
