Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
Randomize
