Im at strip club and am horny
I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
Randomize
