Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
will power is for people who don't want to get laid
Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
Randomize
