I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
Randomize
