I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
Randomize
