I think I am morally bankrupt
there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
Randomize
