no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
Having never done that before, When should one expect the horrible shame to end? Days, months, ever?
A week or so, depending on size. In your case, maybe give it a month.
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
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