Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
Randomize
