so explain again why im purple
no
so that wasnt chicken after all
i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
Will you be topless? That will affect my answer.
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
Randomize
