He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
Be still, my beating vagina.
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
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