my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
Randomize
