Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
whose ass print is on the piano?
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
I want a musical about memes.
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
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